i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
