I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
