if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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