Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
