just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize