90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
