Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
