I think im going to throw up on grandma
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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