just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
