There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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