The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
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He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
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Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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