the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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