My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
