The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
