That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
