he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
