The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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