Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
