maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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