apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
