Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize