Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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