I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
