Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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