I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
