we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
