The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
