what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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