i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't deserve a penis
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
