I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
