I am in a vortex of obligation.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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