I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
