Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
