kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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