i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
