I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
