quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
