my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
