it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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