I feel great
I just peed on a car
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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