the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We were destined to go to rehab together
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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