whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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