this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I need a burrito and a hug.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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