i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
