Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What did we do last night that was yellow?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
