Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
