I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
