did you get engaged???
Yo dont text me then not text me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
