dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
