hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
