I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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