My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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