So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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