around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
