I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
