shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
