youre lurking in front of me
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
