"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
