he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The uberlube is also flammable
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
