i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She swung at the pinata with crutches
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
