I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
