my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
These tits shall not be calmed
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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