Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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