The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
