So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
