So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
