I love black thongs
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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