So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
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Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
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The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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