cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
