member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
