That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
