she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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