I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
